A Simple Trip
by Sandstorm3D
Summary: One-shot. It was only a simple shopping trip. It wasn't HIM's fault that his supplies had run short. It was supposed to be a quick in and out sort of thing. And what was his reward for acquiring things the legal way? A thorough beating and a night's stay in the city jail. Hmph! Worst. Shopping. Trip. Ever.


A Simple Trip

_HIM's POV_

"Hmmm, oh yes. I'm totally feeling a light lavender today. And maybe a nice ascot with a fur fringe coat? Oh HIM, you are such a fashion genius!" The red colored ruler of the netherworld and other various dimensions hummed to himself as he made his way to the bathroom.

It had a _long_ week of cheating, stealing, and general chaos making and the devil thought that he earned a day of leisure looking fashionable. It would be glorious.

First, he'd dress up in his best and apply his _very_ expensive Parfum de Fleurs make up, perfect for his overly red but still gorgeous complexion. Then he'd make his way downtown to the little florist shop on 3rd and Malten street. They had a lovely bouquet at this time of year and he just _had_ to get one for his dining room. And the best part was that no one ever seemed to frequent that area of town. The less humans he had to come into contact with, the better.

Perhaps after that he'd do a little shopping, some accessories perhaps? He was getting rather bored with the bracelets he had currently and a few more rings and necklaces couldn't hurt. A little variety would be nice. And after that? Well, he'd figure that out later.

Right now he needed to gussy himself up.

HIM waltzed into his luxuriously sized master bath, reveling in the fuzzy quality of his bathrobe. Whistling a jaunty tune out loud, he crossed over towards his vanity and opened up a drawer…only to blink in surprise.

It was empty.

Huh. Guess he forgot to restock it somehow. No matter he still had other drawers he could pull from. Lavender could be traded for violet or periwinkle. It mattered little, the rest of his wardrobe would more than make up for it.

He pulled open another drawer and gasped aloud.

It was empty as well.

No, that couldn't be. One empty drawer he could blame on forgetfulness, but two? Desperately HIM reached for the third drawer on his vanity. He yanked it open and this time, he could barely contain himself. It was empty too.

Three empty drawers.. _three empty drawers!_

He nearly fainted there and then.

This was horrible, just-just terrible! What was he going to do? How could he function without his rose sparkle blush? Or his cherry red lipstick? What about his satin pink eye shadow?!

Oh the humanity!

The temptation to break down into tears and sob on his brightly lacquered desk was nearly overwhelming but HIM was nothing if not able to control his emotions. Instead, he stiffened his upper lip and drew up to his full height.

He was going to fix this. This travesty would be remedied so help him!

…But that meant he'd have to go outside…without his fabulous cosmetics…oh dear.

…

No! No, he was fixing this. If he didn't do it now, it'd only get worse and that would be unforgivable. He'd just do this the sneaky way. No one would have to see him. He had several dozen disguises, of course, none of them would be quite as magnificent as they could have been if he had make up.

No matter! He was going above ground and he was replenishing his stock.

With that, the devil rose from his chair and went to put on his clothes for the day. They certainly wouldn't be as fabulous as they could have been, but he'd make due.

Somehow.

It would be terribly dreadful though. Did he still have that trench coat?

* * *

The sun was bright and the traffic was unbearable! The smog alone reminded HIM why he made his dwelling in another dimension similar to the depths of hell. It was much more hospital than this terrible place. Ugh, how could people stand it?

HIM pulled his trench coat closer and gingerly stepped around a pile of garbage, also known as _children_, as he made his way down the street. The cosmetic shop he purchased his supplies at was only a few blocks away.

He could stand these humans for the time it took to get his supplies and get back home. It would be a walk in the park. Coincidentally, a walk in the park was one of the most awful tortures he could imagine. Ugh.

The walk to the store was a torturous affair. People crowding around, laughing and _talking. _How could they stand it? Didn't they get sick of each other? Or sick of being in close proximity of another one of their species? He knew he did.

But salvation was near! Just around this next corner was his hope and dreams in building form. The Premium, Ultra, Cosmetics Emporium was simply the most heavenly place on earth. The only place worth visiting really. He would know. He had visited quite a few places during his travels.

Entering the store was like stepping into a spa. It was bright, colorful, and simply divine. There were seventeen different shades of red right inside the door! It was like they knew he was coming!

For the next three hours, he was lost in a sea of wonder. His basket was nearly overflowing with various shades of purple, blue, green, yellow, and even some orange though it clashed terribly with his complexion. He simply couldn't contain himself.

With a full cart and a light heart, HIM made his way to the register. But of course, the line to get to one was longer than the Great Wall of China. Ugh, didn't people know he was trying to restock his supply? They were so inconsiderate.

The great devilish rouge prepared himself for an unbearable wait. At least he could distract himself with all the new wonderful color combinations he could try. Oh! Sky blue and teal green could be quite fetching if applied with the right scarf!

It was right about that time that hell came to earth, not literally as that would have actually been great. No, instead Hades came in the form of three terrible, horrid, _awful teenagers _who came to stand in line right behind him. Worst yet, they were familiar teenage girls, of the super powered variety.

"Oh my gosh, that is the most brilliant shade of blue I've ever seen. I think it'll go great with that new jacket you bought today Blossom." The high pitched voice instantly had his teeth grinding.

"You think? Are you sure it won't clash with my hair?" A slightly deeper voice replied back.

"Ugh! Are we really going to stand in this line all day? It goes on for freaking ever!" A third voice joined the other two.

Oh God! This was torture! Did they have to yabber as well as stand behind him? This was karma, it had to be.

"Buttercup, it's not that long. There are only twenty people. Have a little patience for once." Blossom, that had to be Blossom.

No one else was that overbearing in so few sentences.

"Why did you two have to drag me along? Couldn't you two do this crap on your own? I could have been playing basketball right now."

"Oh come on BC, you don't want to spend some quality time with your sisters?" The high pitched voice replied, cutely sweet and completely innocent.

Bubbles. She was the _worst_. All those gorgeous locks and the only thing she did with them was put them in pigtails! That was the real tragedy. She could do so much more with them. There were many fabulous up dos she could try and her hair would probably look great down as well. He would love to see her in a set of victory curls. A cute little blouse and pencil skirt combo would complete the ensemble. Oh, in his head it was simply marvelous.

"If it's in this dump? Hell no!" The brunette huffed.

Wait, did she just diss the Premium, Ultra, Cosmetics Emporium? Wow, that was almost enough to make him rage. This place was the epitome of cosmetic wonder. It was the most lovely place on earth. _How could she say that!?_

...Woah, calm down sir. It's just Buttercup. No need to get upset. She had no clue about the wonders of this place nor about the amount work that went into a store of such rapport. It was a great place and if she couldn't see that then humph. Her lose.

"Oh don't be like that Buttercup. We can go for ice cream afterwards."

"I'm not ten Blossom. Ice cream isn't going to _appease_ me."

"I'll pay and you can get a waffle cone." She sang lightly.

A few seconds passed before…

"_Fine_."

Huh, so that's all it took for the feisty brunette to shut up? He should try that next time he hatched an evil plan. Waffle cones, what a silly weakness. That was just- _Oh my god! _

Chartreuse eyeliner!

He couldn't stop himself from reaching out and grabbing it. It was much too magnificent not to. And it was fifty percent off too! But unfortunately, his love of all things breathtakingly beautiful and cheap was his downfall. No sooner had he reached out one clawed hand to grab it when he heard…

"Great! And maybe we can get you somethi-huh?" Bubbles voice said before she gasped.

"What Bubbl-Dear Lord! _HIM!"_

…crap.

Frozen in the middle of selecting his newest purchase, the otherworldly being could do little more than turn his head and view the three goodie two shoes in total stupefaction.

They were without their usual uniform, that ugly little number with the black, horizontal stripe down the middle. Ugh. Good riddance. That poor ensemble made him want to gag every time he saw it. Instead each girl had dressed up in what he guessed was their leisure wear.

It wasn't dreadful by any means but Blossom could definitely use a new bow in her hair. The over sized red one was getting to be a bit ridiculous if you asked him and it clashed horribly with that jean jacket she was wearing.

Buttercup was gruesomely dull and masculine in her sports jersey and shorts. She didn't even try to do anything with her short, black locks. Not a single flipped wisp or a pin to hold it back. It simply hung down her face with all the grace of wet dog hair.

Out of the three of them, Bubbles was by far the most fashion forward of the bunch. The deep sapphire sweater she chose today really set off the color of her eyes. And that black skirt and legging combo was adorable.

But he was getting off track wasn't he?

In a flash, all three girls were ten feet away from him in a fighting stance. Each sported a glare that could have peeled paint from a car and he was the center of their undivided attention.

Joy. Vaguely he recognized the screams and shouts of other customers hurrying to get away from him but that was unimportant. Not with three eye lasers pointed in his direction and ready to fire. As calmly as he could, HIM raised his claws in a non-threatening manner. "Now girls, if you'll ple-"

"Can it HIM! I don't know what you're up to but you're going down!" The roughest of the girls shouted before she launched a fist at him.

And of course with his hands on this divine shade of eye shadow there was no way he could block said punch. If he hadn't been so discombobulated for this strange and horrible turn of events he might have used his dark magic to deflect the fist. Unfortunately that didn't occur to him.

All HIM got for his unwillingness to drop such a wonderful piece of cosmetics was a punch to the mouth and possibly a few loose teeth. The impact sent him rocketing into one of the three cash registers and scared the living daylights out of the one brave cashier who remained behind.

She fled from the scene as HIM tried to compose himself. He worked his jaw a few times to make sure none of his bones had been pulverized by that brutal, completely unprovoked sneak attack. Standing carefully to his feet, HIM barely had time to flinch before another punch sent him through the window and out onto the filthy street.

It was barbaric as it was tragic! The glass container which held the chartreuse eyeliner lay shattered on the street and its contents splayed everywhere. It was horrible.

Oh, and the getting assaulted for doing nothing more than shopping for his makeup. That was utterly unfair as well.

More time was allowed to HIM as he stood to his feet a second time. Already his temper was flaring and the carefully arranged scarf that hid his un-beautified face fell way. As he turned to glare at the meddling threesome, a scream broke out behind him.

All at once, the girls' rushing figures came to a halt. They stood there, floating in midair with their mouths agape and their eyes wide.

For the life of him, he couldn't figure out what they were gaping at but oh were they going to rue the day they had interrupted his supply run!

"That is **IT! **I spend three hours collecting the most perfect collection of pallets money can buy and right as I'm about to complete my purchase and get out of this filthy, stinking, **wretched** **city, **you girls just have to barge in **and ruin it** **all!**" His yell echoed down the suddenly deserted street, fluctuating between the high, song like quality of his falsetto and the deeper, guttural tone of his bass voice.

It was frightening sight to behold and any sane mortal would have fled at his rage. Not these girls. If anything, his declaration only made them more ready to fight. The redhead of the group made two quick hand gestures and all at once he was set upon.

He didn't even get a chance to fight back! It was the epitome of dirty fighting and he was not at all impressed.

Nor was he entirely conscious.

A series of punches, kicks, and lasers finished the fight before it could even begin. HIM found himself assault from all sides and a moment later, he was lying in a fissure bashed into the street. If he had been wearing mascara, it would have been running by now.

"Looks like your shopping spree is up HIM." Blossom taunted as she landed on the ground in front of his battered form.

The other two joined her, arms crossed over their chests with cocky smirks turning their lips. He would have spit if he had been able to move his shattered jaw. Sirens were echoing down the street and he knew it was only a matter of minutes before the police of this horrid city arrived on the scene.

It looked like he'd be spending a lovely stay in Townsville City Jail, at least until he could recover his powers enough to teleport out. Ugh! Wretched little urchins!

"And here are the police to take you to your new residence. Don't worry, I'm sure they have something to cover that ugly mug of yours. Now I know why he always wears so much makeup haha!" The brutish one of the girls cackled.

"No need to be so mean Buttercup. We've all had those kinds of days. It's not his fault his face sends people screaming." The blonde's _helpful_ words did little but rise his ire as the police vehicles pulled into view.

The superheroes kept on with their bickering as several officers hand cuffed him and led him to a car. Their annoying high pitched voices grated on his ears the entire way. One thing was for sure.

This was the worst shopping trip **ever.**

* * *

**Here's the second of my two anniversary one shots for Misconception's two years anniversary. I hope you guys had fun reading this little silly fic. I had fun writing it and I did it all in a day, yesterday in fact. If it seems a bit below par from my usual writing, I apologize. I hope it still entertained. **

**If you are new and you don't know about Misconceptions, please go check it out. It's my baby and it's turning two today so I just have to market it. ;)**

**Thanks guys! Have a happy Monday!**


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